Yelling At Inanimate Objects

Today, I was about one widget away from drop-kicking Ryan’s laptop across the room. Thankfully, I didn’t do that because it is currently the only working, Wi-Fi connected computer we have as my laptop boycotts such things as Internet and a working iTunes player.

The source of this anxiety and anger? Well, my dear readers, you are looking at it. I know, it looks like a five-year-old created this website; at least it does on the date this blog post will be published. I hope someday this blog website will be as beautiful as 16-year-old me dreamed I’d be as an adult. I can only hope that at least one of those dreams will come true. But despite how childish it looks, it was created by a woman who turns 30 on Saturday. Tragic.

I’ve been doing this whole blog writing thing for a few years now, but this is my first time self-hosted. I won’t bore you with all the details, but needless to say, with great power comes great responsibility. I am discovering that I am terrible at all things technical when it comes to web design. I try so hard to add my Instagram feed or create a beautiful word cloud to add to page and make it visually appealing or whatever the “How to Design an Award-Winning Blog in 10 Minutes” website I read said. But, the size is all wrong, the quality is terrible, or it just doesn’t work at all. And then suddenly, I’m muttering malicious words towards an inanimate object and feeling violence I didn’t know I had in me.

On top of all that, my WordPress dashboard keeps reminding of things like SEO and has a button for purging the SG cache, and my mind cannot even get into how all that works right now. I’m obsessively trying to mold this brand new blog baby into something that is going to go out in the world and make her Momma proud and hopefully bring home a little extra money. So despite feeling like I simultaneously want to cry, scream, and eat a pint of ice cream, I continue to persist. I want this little blog to emerge from its ugly, sea-green cocoon, and actually be successful someday.

I know, the first blog post is supposed to be an introduction, but, my dear readers, this is me – in all my whispering death threats and/or growling at the laptop in frustration. Sometimes, like tonight when my brain is tired and I’m supposed to be in bed, I will ramble. Other nights, I may craft brilliant paragraphs of hilarity that you definitely will want to share all over Twitter. I may even occasionally make you think a little about your life choices. Hopefully, you’ll see a little of yourself in me and won’t feel so bad for slapping the printer after the fifth time it prints your document incorrectly.

Good night, everyone, and welcome to my new blog.

Love,

Sarah

2 thoughts on “Yelling At Inanimate Objects

  1. Confession: I just spent an entire day dancing around the house, celebrating my four-year blogiversary, feeling pretty pleased with myself. And for the past four years I’ve been nodding along while people talk about SEO like it’s a thing I understand and do. I have no freaking clue. None. I’m ignoring that issue. The dashboard keeps coming to me, all timit-yet-helpful, “Um, excuse me. Do you have a moment to talk about SEO?”

    NO I DO NOT BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS AND YOU’RE SCARING ME.

    You’re self-hosting. That’s some next-level blog-geniusing right there, and I tip my imaginary hat (the one covering my un-brushed hair) to you. You, madam, are a hero.

  2. You are too kind. *curtsies graciously*

    To be honest, I really have no idea what I’m doing either. I thought I was going to lose my mind trying to make this thing look pretty, but I’ve been too exhausted these past few days to care too much. It keeps talking to me about meta descriptions and focus words on the SEO thing, and I’m like, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.” I guess I should now try to figure that out now that life is starting to slow down a little bit. ๐Ÿ™‚ All I know is that it keeps giving me a sad face for readability when I try to post, and I’m actively ignoring that. I thought I was ready for this self-hosted deal after blogging off and on for so many years but turns out I don’t. Just like everything else in my life, I’m figuring this out as I go. Probably means I’m gonna screw it up a little but hopefully not irreparably.

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